Happy Now?

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I hope everyone has had a fantastic start to 2013!  If not then no worries – there is a whole year left for it to get better!

I had a good day at work today, several people came by and spent some time talking in my cube which left me pretty distracted, but I enjoy my job because of the people!  I posted previously about my New Year’s resolution to stress less and I have been thinking through it more today.  (Maybe a little stress about not stressing?  I think I have issues)

I was thinking about how the increased stress levels have negatively impacted my health and caused weight gain throughout the last few months of the year.  The increase in weight gain increases my stress then increases my weight, which is SUCH a vicious cycle.  Not cool body, not cool.  I was thinking today about when I was the happiest in my weight and I realized that it was when I didn’t really care about it at all.  I was overweight for a long time, so I didn’t think about my weight – it was there and it was a lot.  Yes, I made jokes about it and it got me down at times, but I don’t remember it consuming my thoughts and free time.  When I set out on this journey to lose the weight, I had a set goal in my mind.  I hit that goal and kept going, so I got a new goal.  My new goal is not realistic for my body; however it might be a good bench press goal.  (No lie)

Weight is just a number on a scale that represents my relationship with gravity – that is it.  It does not define much else about me, not even my health.  The weight I had in mind would put me on the lower end of the “healthy” range on the BMI scale, but that is it.  Weight is not the only marker of health – I was at a “healthy weight” (mid to upper healthy range on the BMI) and a size 0/2 with very little body fat (unhealthy-too low) and little to no estrogen or progesterone.  However, by all appearances and scales, I was healthy.

But…was I happy?  I was consumed by trying to get smaller by tracking everything I ate, working out like crazy, and not having much energy to do much more outside of school and studying.  So, no.  I think that it is safe to say that I was not happy at that point.  Why?  Because a scale didn’t read as low as I wanted it to read.  Looking back I can see that it is crazy, but I still get caught up in that cycle today.

Does anyone else care what the scale says?  Does an “ideal weight” determine how well I do my job or how well I treat other people?  It does if I let it consume me and bring me down.   What would happen if I reached that goal, would anyone else notice or care?  Nope, probably not.  I am at a healthy weight now and my blood work is significantly improving.  I am on the road to good health, which is a daily journey, not just a one stop shop.  I am going to learn to enjoy the sites and not let small things like this get me down.

I am continuing on my paleo lifestyle and working out regularly.  I made some red curry last night which was amazing – I like curry more than any white girl should.  I had leftovers for lunch today with some spaghetti squash and it was fantastic, I also have a whole chicken in the oven now.  I can’t wait for it to get done; crispy chicken skin, yum!  I also went to the gym after work today and did dead lifts, 5 sets of 3 at 135#, some eccentric bicep/tricep work, then read Matt Chandler’s The Explicit Gospel while riding the stationary bike.  It was a good workout and I did it because I enjoyed it, not because I felt like I had to get in there and kill myself.  I also signed up for the Build A Better You (BABY) program at work that it about to get started up where we meet with a trainer and they give us personalized plans to work through.  I am excited because my dad has signed up and is ready to jumpstart a healthy workout and eating plan!  I am working on him to go paleo, there is some interest but I don’t think I am there yet.

I am much looking forward to a healthier less stressful 2013, I know it is only day 2 but things are looking good.

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One thought on “Happy Now?

  1. Feel The Burn « Praise&Paleo January 19, 2013 at 1:16 pm Reply

    [...] Ok, I joke.  I don’t love it.  I don’t particularly like it at all, but I haven’t been able to reduce it so why stress about it?  My New Year’s resolution was to stress less and stop freaking out about my size.  I am the same person no matter what size I am; I just need to buy bigger clothes so I am more comfortable no matter what size I am!  Comfortable clothes = happy Jen. [...]

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