Man, I don’t think I could handle working seven days in a row frequently. Seven days. Seven! (Matt, that was for you if you are reading this.) I made it through last week and have two days off to recover before going back into work tomorrow. I enjoy days off during the week, more things are open and I feel more productive.
Yesterday I woke up at 4:45AM…of course. So I did my study, ate breakfast, and had a list of things in my head that I wanted to complete. I headed out of the house at 8:30 in hopes that at least one place on my list would be open because I was getting antsy and didn’t want to be sitting anymore. Was anything open? Nope. Most places don’t open until 10, but Hastings and Hobby Lobby opened at 9 so I spent time in each of them. Hastings is a dangerous place for me, but my Harry Potter collection is now completed from the $5.99 bin. WIN! I also ended up buying 3 more books and a copy of the latest Relevant magazine. Then I headed to Hobby Lobby which makes me feel much craftier than I actually am. I am an engineer, not an artist or particularly creative unless it comes to fixing something or troubleshooting equipment. However, I purchased some craft stuff and have actually used it! I then went to buy socks at Bealls and ended up trying on about 7 dresses…and walking out with none. I was in my workout clothes and the dresses just weren’t super flattering while wearing a sports bra. Last stop, Krogers for some grocery shopping. They had a sale on buffalo and organic chicken thighs so I am stocked for quite some time.
True story, I dreamed about pizza on Sunday night so I thought it was sign that I needed to try and make a paleo pizza for lunch, which I did and it turned out pretty good. I didn’t use cheese because my face has broken out in the past after eating raw milk cheese, but it would have been awesome with some of that. I used almond meal, coconut flout, and flaxseed meal for the crust; sounds crazy but it similar to a wheat crust pizza. After lunch I napped then headed out for a run to complete week 5 day 1 of my journey in Couch 25k program. During the run I listened to a sermon from JP from 1/29 at The Porch that Melis wanted me to listen to. Man, God is good.
The series he is starting is another dating series; he is a young adult minister to a predominantly single group in Dallas so it is very fitting. Especially with Valentine’s day right around the corner. The scripture he used is Proverbs 31:30; “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. “
This scripture has been popping up in my life throughout at least the past week. I made it my phone and work computer background over the weekend, so when his sermon used this I thought, “alright God. I’m listening.”
In today’s society we are bombarded with images of what beauty should be; in commercials, magazines, billboards, music, etc. We are TOLD what we are to believe beauty is, and it has changed so much throughout the years. We spend countless dollars and hours at the gym or under the knife to attain this beauty and what does scripture say happens to it? It is fleeting. FLEETING! How much time to we spend being concerned with our beauty and making sure things are in the right spot, wrinkles are removed, things get lifted, tucked, smoothed, plucked, and so on. And for some measure of beauty that will disappear and will change over time. I can wholeheartedly say that this is true. I have gone through struggles chasing after what I thought was beauty. I spent hours in the gym, hours that could have been spent studying the Word, with family, with friends, helping others, resting, homework, etc but I was at the gym. Trying to run my way into a smaller and smaller size to what? To look like what we have been told is beautiful. To impress people who I didn’t even know and would never talk to? Genius, Jen. Just brilliant.
Is beauty fleeting? You bet; the outer physical attributes certainly are. I had gotten down to a size 0 while in college, and where is that now? It is somewhere hidden beneath some layers of health that I have gained since graduation. The internal effects? Yep, still got those. I am still overcoming the damage to my health, mentally and physically, that I have done. I caused my hormones to be all out of whack, taxed my adrenals, starved my body, and did not have a healthy relationship with myself or with food. I put my worth in what I looked like, not in how I acted or treated others. As I have mentioned in previous posts, with overtraining and under eating, I was not always the easiest person to be around.
Recently I have been paying more attention to what I put into my head and heart than I used to. I have started to delete TV shows and recordings that I used to watch (um, The Bachelor? Ew), people on instagram that I followed that focus too much on physical attributes as a measure of health and worth. I have begun to replace them with more edifying things or spend the time reading or listening to a sermon in place of watching a show. I can tell a difference in my views since I have done this, maybe it is because I get so removed from it. I am not sure, but I came in from work Sunday night and didn’t even try to watch Beyonce because I figured I would be appalled. And this is what we are being told it means to be a woman, to be feminine. I pray that my goal and that of young women is to not be sexy or beautiful in these terms, but to be a woman of noble character who is worth far more than rubies.