This year the family had a very low-key Christmas. My sister and her boyfriend, Weston, came in on Sunday and had to head back to celebrate with his family on Christmas day. We had to change things up a bit, but it worked out well. I didn’t mind at all and actually really enjoyed it. Much less stress.
Christmas night I went over to a friends house and we played games with her parents. We started with Cranium, “It’s an easy game to play” she said. Right. My partner and I definitely were in the lead when we ended, but another group never got off of the starting spot. We ended the game and switched to Hedbanz when Erica* came in to join the fun. Hedbanz is a lot of fun, but can be a little tough at times. When you get a funny card everyone looks at you and laughs…not cool! It brought back painful memories. (not really!)
Between games Hannah* made a comment about needing to lose weight and Erica looked at me and said, “yeah, Sarah* is starting weight watchers January 1 too, doesn’t that make you feel good?!” Sarah then patted her stomach and said, “It needs to be toned, look at this, that is not cute!” Neither Hannah nor Sarah are overweight by any means, and Sarah doesn’t have much of a stomach to be patting. I took Erica’s comment as if to say – Jen, you and I are bigger than them, what does that say they think about us? It sounded as if she took their desire for weight loss as a personal attack. I have been there, I get it. Maybe it is my history and sensitivity to this issue that led me to this inference, but that is what I took it as. I wasn’t really sure how to address it at the time, so I just kind of shrugged my shoulders.
Honestly, this doesn’t make me wonder “what do they think about us if they think they are too big?” – It saddens me. They are beautiful young adults who have so much more to offer than just being a smaller size. They deserve to take up as much room as they please. We get so caught up on changing our physical size to in the upcoming year, that we miss out on bigger and better things that are out there for us. If you make a resolution to change your weight next year, understand what is driving you to want to change. Is it health reasons? Is it pure aesthetics? Is it to draw a certain kind of attention from others? Is it to fit comfortably in your clothes? What is your primary motivator?
I want to heal next year. I want to have a physical healing of my body, I want to heal the relationship I have with myself, and to continue to grasp the unfathomable power of Christ and His sacrifice on the cross. I don’t want to be consumed with my size, I don’t want to take someone else’s desire for weight loss as an implication that I am overweight, I don’t want to have negative self-talk as my body changes. I have had too many years where I made resolutions with respect to my size and I am done.
I have finished yet another book, that makes 4 out of 23. Watch out, now!
*Names have been changed for the protection of those involved (ha!)